The Pain in "Bawat Pasko"

"Bawat Pasko" is the Christmas single of Kapuso artist, Jonalyn Viray. I wasn't really familiar of the song until a friend of mine (@JamesonWorld) requested this as a X-mas gift through iTunes download. We were enjoying a hearty meal of lechon belly and barbecue at the Banchetto when I purchased the song. JamesonWorld, who felt so ecstatic, immediately held up my Iphone for roughly 10 hours listening to the song the entire time we were together. I was able to listen to a few excerpts of the song and at first, I felt like listening to a tele-serye theme song but not until I heard the chorus when I knew it was indeed a Christmas song. 

"Bawat Pasko" is a fusion of culture, pain and vocal prowess.

The song mirrors the Filipino culture as its lyrical content contains elements that identifies the Filipino way of celebrating Christmas such as "simbang gabi", "children carolling", "krismas tree". But I guess the highlight of the song is how it makes you feel the excruciating pain of losing or not being with someone during Christmas. Sobbing during the most festive season of the year, so ironic, isn't it? "Bawat Pasko" is very relevant and relatable especially for the melodramatic people (just like JamesonWorld). May it be for a child who misses his mother, a lover who is suffering a heart break, a friend who passed away, or a distant OFW who misses his family, the song effectively captures the feeling of solitude and gloominess. Seriously, i felt a little depressed after absorbing the lyrics. Flashbacks and memories that I don't wanna go into details anymore as they create an imagery of darkness and pain.

Besides the relatable lyrics, what pulled me to cling on to the song, is the mystery behind Jonalyn's vocals. You'll never think that a song as sensitive and melancholic as this can melodically jive with her vocal range. Quite surprising that the climax was at the end of the song when she tastefully and effortlessly belted the chorus. Impressive and beautiful. Jonalyn's voice is a force to reckon with.

The song could've been a buzz if only it was released on an earlier month. I also believe that the song could be a top ten material. But at the end of it all, what matters most are the fans who truly appreciate and enjoy Jonalyn's musicality. Let's just say this is Jonalyn's way of giving back to the ever-devoted fans.  I'm becoming a fan now, I hope to see her live.

I've Learned That...

At times when we're alone, flashbacks are inevitable. They create a portal to the past. An open highway for the mind, the soul and the heart. Most people say, forget the past and move on to the future. I say, learn from the past and be a better person in the future. My journey to the past has opened up a lot of realizations, lessons from which, I may or may not learn from. I need direction. Hopefully, I can make ends meet - the past and the present.

In my life I've LEARNED that:

...people come and go. 

...i can feel so helpless at times.

...i am vulnerable and people can play with that vulnerability.

...i am gullible.

...i am caring.

...some people wanted to be cared and yet caring is not their thing.

...people will hit you where it hurts the most.

...i value faith and morality.

...i am a sinner and a saint.

...i expect when people make promises and get hurt if they forget or break it.

...i am selfish and selfless.

...people can deceive and lie to you.

...i lie too.

...what we see outside is not always the mere reflection of what's inside, may it be in emotions or character.

...i am superior but inferior as well.

...at times, i feel tired of fighting for what I believe in or for what I'm feeling.

...at times giving- up becomes an option.

...we can fool the world but we cannot fool our hearts.

...prayers are powerful.

...i am not a fool.

...being an option to someone hurts.

...i can play a fool so I can go with the flow.

...my instincts are sometimes wrong.

...my gut-feel are most of the time right.

...being high-profile is exhausting.

...i have a heart.

...i can want so bad and hurt so bad.

...true friends will stay no matter what.

...i can keep everything to myself and be happy or suffer in silence.

...it's hard to fulfill great expectations of the people around you.

...i am very very patient.

...if i'm silent, it's either  i'm bad trip, serious mode or mad as hell.

...i am jealous.

...i try hard to please everybody.

...i love 100%.

...i am a happy spender.

...i have big dreams and i need to work hard.

...i can hurt myself.

...my guardian angel is beside me.

...God is always forgiving.

...no matter how you dress a person, true character will always show.

...i can love and accept a person no matter how negative a person is.

...i am overly sensitive at times.

...i cry.

..,people can hit you below the belt.

...not all friends are trust-worthy, even the closest ones.

...i am scared to get old and be alone.

...i should choose what not and what to believe.

...a person will not catch you if you fall.

...people may not always be true of what they show to you.

...victory is sweet and losing hurts a lot.

...if i'm done with you then i'm done.

...I don't believe in karma but sometimes there are circumstances that show us what goes around, comes around.

...there's a thing called "destiny".

...God is indeed powerful.

...it hurts when a friend makes me feel small

...if my self-worth is broken, i have to pick-up the pieces because that's what's gonna be left of me.

...there's nothing to fear if it's the truth.

Nothing...Just a Few Thoughts

A few thoughts I've pondered. I'm indeed a human, sensitive and vulnerable at times.

                                                                        ***Why hurt a person who would never hurt you?

***I shall pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.

***Not making a choice was an option. Now that it has created a strong perception to everyone's mind, it cannot be taken back. They gaze at me with those symphatetic stares and with so much helplessness, I suffer in silence. As it becomes sporadic, I will be hit where it hurts the most and a laughing stock to people is all I will be. This is what i will have to go through...

 

The Lord is My Shepherd

Struggle, anxiety, guilt and fear. These are the  emotions that are crumpling my heart and soul. I feel helpless and scared of what could happen in the future. I prayed hard to God and day by day I'm feeling ok.  The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.